Maggie Dent on modern fatherhood and why she’s back in WA to share her ‘good enough’ message

Twenty years ago, audiences at Maggie Dent’s parenting seminars were made up almost entirely of mothers.

Now, the prolific Australian author and parenting educator estimates that dads account for 40 per cent of guests. And about half of the fans who introduce themselves to Dent or ask for a photo when she is out in public, are men.

“The shift in men and fathering over the last 20 years is remarkable,” she told The Sunday Times this week ahead of a return to her home State for a special event for WA dads.

“It makes my heart sing. Dads don’t just want to be better parents, they want to be actively involved parents.”

Dent, a mother of four boys — now fathers themselves — started working with dads two decades ago during a mental health crisis in WA’s Wheatbelt.

Her common-sense approach, borne from her own upbringing on a WA sheep farm, had an impact, as she explained the different ways men and women processed emotions. Since then, she has become known as a champion of dads and boys, which in recent years took the form of a popular podcast The Good Enough Dad.

On it she interviewed high-profile dads such as Hamish Blake, Cameron Daddo, Shaun McManus and Guy Sebastian. Dent has also appeared on a number of podcasts hosted by fathers speaking up about the joys and challenges of parenting, such as Two Doting Dads, co-hosted by the Fathering Project’s Father of the Year, Matt Johnson.

Johnson, who rose to fame on The Bachelor franchise where he met his now wife Laura Byrne, received the honour in September in recognition of the way he is “genuinely involved in the lives of his three girls — present, playful, affectionate and engaged in their world.

“Together, Matt and Laura have built a strong co-parenting partnership where care isn’t defined by traditional gender roles. They share the responsibility of raising their family, creating a home where their daughters see both parents as equally capable, nurturing and involved,” The Fathering Project said.

“For his girls, that consistent presence matters. It has helped create an environment where they feel safe to be themselves, be silly, make mistakes, ask questions and know they are loved without condition.”

Johnson and co-host Ash Wicks are hoping to reframe what fatherhood and Australian masculinity look like, he said after receiving the honour.

“The days of one-dimensional old-school dads are over. The true strength of a father is in being able to show vulnerability and emotion, not hiding it,” Johnson said.

Through that openness — tackling issues such as postnatal depression, body image and men’s mental health — Dent said role models like Johnson and Wicks, the 2023 Father of the Year Hamish Blake, and pop-culture icons such as Bluey’s Bandit were creating a safe space for dads.

“For other men to see that in our society, I think that’s amazing. And the lightness with which they talk, dads realise that no one’s nailing it . . . just like every other dad, they have days when they have wins, and days when they muck up,” she said.

“And when it comes to getting information, some dads openly admit they don’t have time to read books, even when their co-parent has highlighted the key sections. Videos and podcasts hosted by other dads have been incredibly helpful. Dads are tuning in while out doing their daily routines, picking up information through a combination of accessible mediums.”

The title of Dent’s own podcast is inspired by one of her main messages to parents — children don’t need perfection, they need presence. Being a warm, connected and loving parent 30 to 40 per cent of the time, Dent says, is “good enough.”

“No one gets it right all the time,” Dent said.

“We need to validate the tricky bits of parenting for both mums and dads, recognizing that dads see things through a slightly different lens.

“It’s reassurance of the tough moments, like toddler tantrums aren’t a sign of bad parenting, it’s normal behaviour.”

As modern dads consider the type of parent they want to be, Dent said many are having to overcome the way they were parented.

“Boys were hit hurt and shamed at far higher levels than girls because of the perception that they were tough or needed to be tough,” Dent said.

“That history can be a trigger point for dads, but these conversations make them realize that while we can all lose our calm as parents, the key message is to repair ruptures — something that never happened when they were little. Dads are realising that is not the parent they want to be.

“We now realise that past messages demanding children be compliant and behave well all the time are gradually shifting.”

Dent said the “seismic shift” fatherhood has undergone is in part thanks to networks such as The Fathering Project, a national body which is dedicated to helping fathers and father figures be positively engaged, connected and confident in their role.

The organisation is motivated by research which shows children with disengaged fathers experience poorer educational outcomes and higher rates of mental illness, illicit drug use and incarceration.

Those with engaged and effective fathers have improve academic outcomes, higher levels of empathy, self control and self esteem, and better social and emotional skills.

Earlier this year the foundation contributed to a global report on the state of fatherhood, with a major survey finding that 97 per cent of Australian fathers valued and enjoyed their role and 94 per cent felt confident

But entrenched gender norms and a lack of structural support continued to limit how much fathers can participate in daily care, with significant costs to families and society.

Perth GP and father-of-two Andrew Leech, who will be joining Dent on stage at the upcoming event in Perth, witnesses these costs every day.

“I see children who don’t have a male role model or dad in their house, and I can see the difference it makes,” he told The Sunday Times.

Dr Leech said fathers in WA faced many challenges, particularly those who worked fly-in, fly-out jobs.

“Even without these roles . . . many families lack support as they become new parents. Quite often their support systems are a long way away or not as available,” he said.

He also believes modern dads are impacted by ongoing stigma around mental health, and pressure to “toughen up, you’ll be right, get on with it.”

“This leads to shame or reluctance to seek help early when struggling, and to avoiding talking about how they’re feeling,” he explained.

Dr Leech said the upcoming sold-out event, which is supported by The Fathering Project, would remind dads of their importance in the family unit and offer tips to helping them feel more connected.

“It’s about helping them understand what’s going on for their kids, and for themselves,” Dr Leech said.

“Maggie brings decades of wisdom on raising children, and I bring what I see every day as a GP working with families, and also as a dad of two daughters.

“I’m hoping that dads will also hear about how to tackle some of those more difficult moments and how to listen before fixing, repair with their wife or partner after an argument, stay connected when their child seems to pull away, and look after their own health and wellbeing too.”

Dr Leech and Dent share a concern that many men are putting off going to the doctor. Dr Leech ran a two-week audit across his Garden Medical Centre clinics which found 75 per cent of those presenting were female.

“That tells me there’s a very good chance not enough men are coming in for regular health checks, and I suspect that’s especially true for busy dads,” he said.

“It takes someone to really ask how they’re going. That might be us as their GP, or a friend, family member or colleague. Men really need this proactive approach because it’s hard for them to see they’re struggling, and there’s often a sense of shame attached to seeking help.

“Men should never feel ashamed to speak up. It’s never too early or too late, and it’s not a sign of weakness. The weakness is doing nothing and letting their world fall apart.”

Dr Leech said advocacy and connection was vital.

“High-profile dads matter too. When a well-known sportsman or public figure talks openly about his mental health, or about stepping back to spend more time with his kids, it gives other men permission to do the same,” he said.

“It’s so important for dads need to know how big their impact is on a child’s life. Being present, spending quality time, enjoying your child’s interests, and bringing in your own all help build a strong connection and positively impact mental health.”