Release the doves! Ready the trumpeters! Rally the face painters and stilt walkers. We are celebrating big today, because . . . (fanfare please) . . . the bridge is opening!

Yes, the new Fremantle bridge is open for business. Of course, it used to be the Old Fremantle Bridge, but now is it the New New Bridge? Well, its official name is Walyalup Bridge, but I’m sure it will only be a matter of time before it’s given some quirky nickname.

At first glance, the stringy bits look a bit like that art we did at school where you would hammer nails into a piece of wood and then wind string around. If that had a discernible name, it could be a great nickname. OK. I’m bad at this. Walyalup Bridge it is, then.

Don’t let my inability to come up with a snappy nickname fool you. I’m genuinely thrilled that this bridge is opening. Because for the last nine months, it’s been a living hell.

Well, that might be a slight exaggeration. But it has been a tad on the inconvenient side. Mainly it was the unpredictability of it all. A trip from one side of the river to the other via Stirling Bridge took anywhere between four minutes and — on one grim occasion — 57 minutes. You just never knew what you were going to get. That made planning comically difficult. I frequently turned up for my eyebrow appointment 20 minutes early because I over compensated. Yes, you’re right. I really have suffered.

And before you come for me for being anti-progress, I’m far from it. I’m very much in favour of progress. I completely understand the need for new infrastructure, and I’ll be a frequent user of the new facility. But it’s just that I hate being put out while it’s being built. I’m nothing if not a contradiction.

It has been quite the build, by the way. As someone who lives relatively close to it, I enjoyed weeks on end of loud, metallic banging as huge pylons were hammered into the riverbed. Considering I’m often trying to sneak a little afternoon nap to make up for my 4am start, this was a particularly difficult period for me. Yes, I was very brave.

Perhaps my greatest irritation during this period has been the fact that if I haven’t been home for a parcel delivery, it would be taken to a post office ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE RIVER. There is a perfectly functioning post office just down the road on my side of the river, but no, they would take it over the bridge. So, when I got the text update to inform me that my parcel was now available for collection at around 4.30pm, if I needed that parcel immediately, I would have to battle it out on the Bridge of Sorrows during peak hour. Thank God I don’t have to live like that anymore.

And let’s not underestimate my daily frustration at the number of motorists flagrantly disregarding the altered traffic conditions that were meant to be in place for the duration of the build.

I drive through the intersection of Canning and Stirling Highways several times a day and every single time — even at 4.45am — I see drivers ignoring all of the signage and road markings which indicate that they can’t drive straight ahead along Canning Highway in either direction. That privilege is currently only for buses, but many, MANY cars refuse to adhere to it. This is difficult for me because I’m a rule follower, so I have been retaliating in the best way I know how: by shaking my head sadly to myself. That’ll teach them.

We’ve all had to persevere through infrastructure building projects at some stage. Whether it’s an extra lane being added to the freeway or new stations on the train lines or that new carpark at the airport, at least we can console ourselves with the fact that it’s some short-term pain for some long-term gain. I don’t recall having that thought when I nearly missed a flight during the Great Eastern Highway widening project, though. My thoughts then were way more profane. But still, it’s great now, right?

So yes, I’ll be driving back and forth across that new bridge all day today. And kudos to the builders, because the impossible has happened: it’s finished early. That’s $430 million — and some lost naps — well spent.